My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
