Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize