I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
