I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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