I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
