i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
