I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
