The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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