Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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