last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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