just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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