Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
