Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
