At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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