My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
