Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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