12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
