sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
