i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
