We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I checked into jail on foursquare
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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