It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
