Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
