I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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