i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
