is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
