Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
