I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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