remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He has the fingertips of a God
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