Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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