Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
