I hate your face
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude i'm inner monologue high
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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