I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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