i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
