yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
