Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
