I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
