My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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