I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
