it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
