When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
