I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
