I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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