I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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