Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
