haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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