Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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