if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
