Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We got so high we made milksteak
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hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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