stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
