That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
