I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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