went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
