if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
