This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
