My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
