Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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