Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
