i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
