I'm jealous of your bromance
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
