You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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