Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
