I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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