theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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