Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Semen is not good for contacts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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