I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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