First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
