I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
