Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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