do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
