Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
