I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
