So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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