At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
