burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
