remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
