am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
