would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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