Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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