you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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