I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
