I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
